situation machine #516

 
citrons (bureaucrat) src #5921

I deposit 25 cents of legal US tender into the situation machine. the situation has begun.

heavoid src #5922

i smash the situation machine. i obliterate it. i demolish every component. it is ablated until it is mere dust, and the dust fades in time.

janmusija src #5923

I build the situation machine a gravestone. I visit it from time to time and occasionally bring flowers.

heavoid src #5924

i lace the gravestone and surrounding area with VX nerve agent.

trimill src #5925

somewhere in southern Idaho, 25 cents of legal US tender materializes on a kitchen table

citrons (bureaucrat) src #5926

I witness the VX contamination of the gravestone and so consult the enclosed instruction booklet. in section 7 of the booklet, which covers acts of chemical warfare, protocol A8190-7 is detailed. and so it is engaged.

I lift my type 3 telephone off the hook and ask to speak with a telephone administrator. I disclose to the administrator that I am using the telephone under the capacity of an executor of a section 7 situation machine protocol. the telephone administrator grants me access to the 5th column of the type 3 dial pad, allowing me to dial type 3 numbers.

I dial the situation machine corporation's type 3 hotline. I am automatically connected to their computer system, powered by their renown 7km² electromagnetic relay-based supercomputer. I type A8190-7 on the type 3 dialpad (which has a dash character), which automatically connects me to the section 7 help desk.

protocol A8190-7 states that the section 7 help desk operator will dictate my further actions. the operator informs me that the section 7 situation produced by the situation machine is well within parameters and instructs me to perform no further actions.

janmusija src #5927

I tenderize a quarter of the united states, resulting in 25 cents of US tender.

heavoid src #5928

i ban the number 7.

janmusija src #5929

i unban the number siverds, which is the integer between [redacted] and 8.

Incoherent src #5930

i ban that notorious fifthglyph, which has poison'd writing for uncountably many days. this turns all coming posts in this particular chain of posts into lipogrammata.

janmusija src #5931

mhm so you say

but must any of us follow your instructions?

Incoherent src #5932

yuh huh, as it is what this situation contraption commands.

caesar src #5933

i reconstruct the situation machine perfectly, atom-by-atom.

Incoherent (edited ) src #5934

crying and shaking rn cäsar wouldn't flout that anti-fifthglyph law that I did start... /j

caesar src #5935

caesar emitting the letter e scares thee.

gollark src #5936

I swap this situation construct with 10^38 rotating apioforms, as policy commands, and transport it to Holding Facility R431-T.

caesar src #5937

YOOOOO 10³⁸ rotating bees >w<

isn't serverman located at Holding Facility R431-T?

citrons (bureaucrat) src #5938

I set the meta-situation machine to W mode.

caesar src #5939

ah, W for Wumbo.

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